My weekend.....

   I was only able to spend a few minutes on the back porch Saturday as I was summoned to Linda's house to do some painting along with Rachelle. It was out with the old and in with the new at Linda's house. We painted, cleaned carpets and made piles for a yard sale. Denise fixed lunch and we had a wonderful meal. One room down and a few to go.
   Sunday was Thomas birthday. We spent the day going to flea markets, had lunch in Nashville and visited a few of the shops. It was a wonderful day, just the two of us with no time schedule. We took the long way home through the country and visited the DQ.
   I was glad that I was feeling good to be able to spend Saturday with Linda and Sunday with Thomas.This week is my good week. I will feel normal with not a lot of side effects. Next week is #5. But that's next week--this week I will enjoy the sunny days and the cool nights. Maybe Thomas and I can enjoy supper on the back porch a couple of nights.

Day 9

   Today is day nine and it's really the first day that I've woke up feeling good. The past eight days have been rough but I've done my best to stay in a routine. Day three and four were the worse. I keep telling myself--only two more.
   Thomas and I were talking at the dinner table the other night and he wondered how the next two would affect me since they were starting to wear me down. I started to tear up because I knew he had noticed. I try to stay strong for the both of us but if you ask him he's the strong one for both of us. We decided to just get through the next one and worry about the last one when the time comes.
  I'm off tomorrow (Saturday) so I hope to spend a lot of time on my back porch.
Hope everyone enjoys their weekend and gets to spend a lot of time with family....xo

Chemo #4

   Thomas and I arrived at the Cancer Center at 9am. They drew blood and then we seen Dr. Olivarez. She was concerned with my fingers being numb and tingling all the time. She decided to decrease the drug--Vincristine. Using this drug over a period of time with the side effect could cause nerve damage in my hands and fingers. She was concerned with me being a florist that it would have a long term effect on me. She was also worried with the night sweats that I'm having. These are different from hormonal hot flashes. I'm going to keep track of what day and time I have them in my journal and let her know what days in the cycle I have them. Another side effect of Vincristine is hair loss. Combing my hair before going bed I placed quite a few hairs in my bag. Maybe this will slow it down too. Let's hope so. I've had to change my hair style somewhat trying to make it look fuller.
   I was anxious on the drive up, was worried how this treatment would effect me. Some have told me the more treatments you have the harder it is on your body. That was weighing heavy on my mind.
Thomas held my hand during the drive and that was a comfort to me. I knew he could sense my concerns. He knows me so well I don't have to tell him whats on my mind.
   My white blood count was down a few more points as was my platelet count. But not low enough to cancel the chemo. My weight was also down. We made our way out to the chemo room and I picked out my usual chair. I got settled in and being tired from not sleeping well the night before I dozed off and slept for an hour and half. I finally woke up and  Thomas had gotten me a light lunch. Sandra came in and checked on me and the nurse said she knew who's daughter she was as soon as she came through the door--she looks just like you. But we're told that all the time....:)
   We were finally done at 3:30 and we headed home. Linda and Sarah text me just as I got in the truck to make sure I was doing ok. We got home and Thomas tucked me in and I slept for a few more hours while he made us supper. I helped him clean up the kitchen and I laid back down. Lily laid right next to me. Animals can sense when their owner is not well or something is wrong. Thomas tried to get her to come into the living room with him but she wouldn't budge. She laid there most of the evening with me.
   So, I have four down and two to go. What a way to spend your summer. But as I've said so many times I'm thankful that I can still work and have the energy to work around the yard in my flowers. I even got my bicycle out and rode up to Daddy's last week. Daddy was clapping his hands as I drove up to his shop. The smile on his face was priceless to me......

Staying strong through it all..........

   As I set taking chemo #3 a few weeks ago a lady who I had delivered flowers to a few days earlier came into the room to talk to the nurse. I recognized her and smiled. After her conservation was over she came over and talked with me and Thomas. She said she couldn't believe that I had cancer. When I delivered her flowers I looked so healthy. Rosemary explained to me her cancer and I told her she looked just as healthy as I did. We both laughed and talked of how we both needed to be strong and beat this cancer. We gave each other a squeeze of the hand and that we would keep in touch.
   It was the end of the day and our delivery driver had gone home and I hadn't been out of the shop all day. I told Vivki that I would drive over to see if the customer was home now to receive her flowers.
   Kinda makes you wonder if we were suppose to meet--do you believe in fate--do you think things happen for a reason? Why was it that I delivered those flowers that day. Our paths crossed for some reason. If nothing other than to give each other support of staying strong through this battle.
   I've talked many times about your mentality during cancer. Most days that's all you got. You just can't wave your hands in the air and give up. You can't buy your plot, make your funeral arrangements then set around and wait to die. You've got to stay strong and surround your self with strong people. You wake up in the morning and thank the Lord for another day and then YOU decide what kind of day you're going to have.For me I have awesome days. I refuse to let cancer dictate my agenda. Many days I feel terrible, but I put on my flip flops and do what needs to be done. Whether it's a day of designing flowers, doing the laundry or running errands with Thomas.
   Wednesday will be Chemo #4. The past couple of weeks I've noticed that the tingle and numbness in my fingers has gotten worse. Holding my knife while designing doesn't bother me as much as trying to pick up something small. My bag of hair has gotten a bit fuller and seems each day something different bothers me.
   I can run pretty fast in my flip flops and I don't believe cancer will catch up with me. I'm just to darn fast and to darn strong........

Happy Birthday Sandra....

Today is Sandra's Birthday. 27 years ago today at 12:21 in the afternoon Sandra made her entrance into the world in an unusual way at 7lbs. 6oz. and 21 inches long. It was a fast birth but not an easy one. Sandra decided that she was going to be different and she's been that way ever since. Sandra does things her way and doesn't follow behind the rest of the world.
We had a good visit this morning and she still gets excited when the presents come out. Sandra gives me lots of laughs and tons of joy and I'm proud of the woman that she has become.
Happy Birthday to my beautiful baby girl!!!

Living on Love.....

   Mom and Daddy celebrated 65 years of marriage on Wednesday, August 3. I hope you were able to see their picture in the Times. 65 years of waking up to the same smiling face each morning. There have been many up and downs but they say they would change nothing. They tell me they never want to know what it's like to be without each other. But when they do they will wait by the gate and then they will stroll across heaven with each other.....
Thomas and I celebrate our anniversary tomorrow, August 6. Ours will be number 18. We also have had our ups and down and I never want to go through this world with out my Thomas. Thomas says we will just go together and then we don't have to be without each other--sounds good to me!!
   As the week has progressed I've began to feel better. I have a little more energy. Eight of my ten fingers are numb on the tips and they tingle. I'm still a little light headed but I try to cope with that. My taste buds are still not working well, but it could be worse. I'm thankful that I'm able to do what I can and I'm still able to work.
   Everyone enjoy your weekend and count your blessings..............
 

Part of the process.....

   It's been a rough two days. I just want to lie down and pull the covers over my head and wait to feel better. I have aches everywhere. It even hurts to breath sometimes. My fingers and hands tingle, my muscles ache, my back hurts and I'm light headed at times. Nothing taste good, even water don't taste the same. It's sometimes hard to explain how I feel on the inside, it's a feeling that I've never had before. I've woke up with hot flashes the last two nights. I get up and wipe the sweat off of me and then lay back down. I know it's just part of the process to kill this damn cancer. But I hate feeling like this. I did come to work today. I didn't want to lay around the house all day. Designing flowers takes my mind off it. I've been busy doing funeral work and there are a few boxes that came in that I need to unpack. I just keep telling my self the worse I feel the more the chemo is working inside of me. Even though the chemo is killing the bad cancer cells it's also killing the good cells. But that's part of it. Maybe just a couple more days of feeling bad......