So long 2011.......

   In a few short hours we'll say good bye to 2011. Some have shared with me that it wasn't a good year for them. To many problems, short falls and heart aches. Many are excited for a new year. It's a fresh start. Maybe your going to stick with the diet or save more money. What ever your "new" is I hope you follow through with it.
As we reach the end of 2011 many of us will reflect on the past year. Some will laugh, some cry and some  the memories will make us sad. But what ever each day brought it's just part of our journey.
   My journey this past year was filled with many emotions.......

Our first day of chemo......

Cindy visiting with me on the third round of chemo.........

Debbie taking the needle out on round six--the last one.

Linda & I on the last day of the Red, White & Blue Festival.

Floral design show at the Jackson County Fair.

Sarah & I in downtown Chicago.

I end with a picture that was taken a few years ago. It's one of my favorites.

Thomas and I wish you the best in 2012. May your journey take you on all the high roads. When you come to the cross roads may each decision be the best and may you and your family experience-love, wealth and good health.

Aunt Lizzy......

   Was scanning some of my old pictures the other day and I ran across this one. It's me and my Aunt Lizzy. It was taken around 1960 Daddy tell's me. Aunt Lizzy was my Papaw Brumett's sister. When I was about six I can remember walking up her dirt driveway and going through the iron gate. I have  memories of her and I walking around the side of the house with her holding my hand but I can't remember which visit that was.
   Aunt Lizzy was one of Papaw's three sisters. She lived in Crab Orchard, Kentucky, and was content with her life living in the hills of eastern Kentucky. They tell me she raised lots of chickens, maybe that's there I get raising chickens from. Aunt Lizzy wore her apron from the time she got up till she went to bed. I would love to have one of her aprons just for a keep sake. Lizzy lived the simple life, fixed three meals a day and you never left her table hungry.
   I wonder if she knew how lucky she was living in the hills with out all the worry's that we have today. I'm sure her day wasn't without some worry. Living in the hills was easy some say, you did without a lot but life was good.  Daddy always said he never went to bed hungry, there was always work to be done and they made up the games they played.
   My Aunt Lizzy...what a remarkable woman!


  

The Grinch....

   My favorite Christmas story is, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" each year I fix some popcorn, curl up in my chair and become a kid again. The girls even bought me a musical Grinch for Christmas one year. But as you watch the show do you really understand the story? The Grinch wasn't a mean person, he just never really understood why all the Who in Who-ville got so excited about a silly holiday called Christmas.
Christmas is in your heart. Yes, we run around with a list of gifts to buy and a list for food that we need to purchase. Some folks wait till the last minute to buy their gifts and then they stress and fuss about it. Some folks are never ready. But whether your ready or not, Christmas will come no matter what.
   See that's what the Grinch thought. If he took all their presents, decorations, wreaths and even their Christmas ham that it wouldn't come. So he set out for Who-ville and cleaned out all the houses of their Christmas pretties. He thought he had stopped Christmas from coming-you might say he was pretty proud of himself. But as he stood there in the faint distance he heard the Who people singing....what....how did it come....I took everything....It came without ribbons! It came without tags, without packages, boxes or bags!
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before..maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more.
   What happened then... his heart grew three sizes and he felt Christmas in his heart. Are you so wrapped up in the rat race that you haven't given it much thought. Christmas is not how many packages you can fit under a tree or if you can out spend your friends. Christmas is about spending time with your family, gathering around the table and enjoying a good meal or sharing a kind word to a stranger
  Thomas and I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and as you wake up on Christmas morning may you feel the warmth of Christmas in your heart.
 


  

Riding shot gun.....

    Around 11am I gathered up her flowers and loaded them into the van. I checked the ledger to make sure all that had been ordered was loaded. It was time to get her. I told her, "we're ready to roll." I picked up the urn and headed to the van with her in my arm. I set her in the front seat and told her to set tight. We drove to the funeral home and I unloaded her flowers then came back and got her. I set her in the middle of her flower arrangement and told her to rest in peace.
   As a florist you get to experience every aspect of life. From the excitement of a birth to the death of a elderly person. Just the other day a young couple came in and they were devastated and broken hearted. Their baby boy had passed away the day before. I comforted them and I cried with them as we picked the flowers out. It brought back memories of the day Thomas and I lost our baby girl, Amanda. We talked for a bit before we chose the flowes and we formed a bond. They've been in the shop a few times since and we have become friends. Every day is different and some day's it's a tear jerker but the majority of the days it's a blessing to be a florist.  

Awesome Discovery....

   While drying my hair the other morning I made an awesome discovery......my hair is growing back. My bald spot should be gone hopefully in a few months. We just might have to have a, "Hair growing back party".....whoopie

Two months to the day....

   Yesterday was two months to the day of my last chemo. Doesn't seem possible that it's been that long. My appointment with Dr.Olivarez went great. Red & white blood count was good. She was very pleased with the progress that I've made at getting back to normal. She was a little concerned about my Bell's Palsy and this cold that I have. She reminded me that my immune system has and always will be low and I will always be acceptable to colds and virus.   Going to acupuncture has really progress my healing. Most people can't tell unless you talk to me and see that the right side of my mouth doesn't move as well as the left. I no longer need a straw to drink from a glass and I can almost chew on that side again. I'm a believer in acupuncture.....
   Saturday, Sarah and I spent the day in Chicago. We had a great time together. It did rain for a few hours but it didn't stop us from doing what we had planned. Sarah had an agenda for us and  we were able to do and see all that she had planned. I spotted an old church on Michigan Avenue and wanted to check it out. The architecture caught my eye and I just had to go inside. When you walked into the sanctuary it was so peaceful. The stone carvings, the high ceilings and the pipe organ with over six thousand pipes were breath taking. There were fourteen carved angels seven foot tall that topped the piers along each wall. Each stained glass window told a story. We've decided to go back next year and take a tour of the Fourth Presbyterian Church.
   From walking on busy streets, people darting in and out of stores. With everyone in a hurry to get the best deal, to bumping into you and with taxi horns blasting going into the church was good for the soul. As soon as you closed the door the only noise you heard was the creaking from the old pews when someone stood up.
In the hustle and bustle of life it's good to sneak into a quiet place.

What is being normal like?

   Just when you think life is getting normal again you're handed another set back. Last Thursday morning I woke up with a mild ear ache. Didn't give it much thought and went on about my day. Friday morning the pain was back. Later that evening the pain was behind my ear at the base of my skull. It wasn't bad just enough to let you know something wasn't right. I have a high pain tolerance so I just brushed it off.
   Saturday morning things were evident that there was a problem. As I brushed my teeth the right side of my face wasn't working like it should. I figured I had a sinus infection. I headed to work and as the morning went on my face seemed to become tight and drawn. I was having a hard time talking and smiling to my customers. By afternoon I noticed my right eye was red and wasn't blinking like it naturally should. I knew something was going on and I needed to see a doctor.
   After what I've been through the last ten years living with cancer and spending this past summer taking chemo nothing surprises me. You just learn to roll with what's placed on your plate. I also know that you don't wait to see a doctor. Waiting for it to go away only allows the problem to get worse. Within two minutes of seeing the doctor he told me I had, Bell's Palsy. I wasn't surprised as I knew what the symptoms were. We talked about the treatment and the side effects and how long they would last.
   By the time I got home later that afternoon my right eye would not close. The doctor advised me to wear a patch at night to keep my eye moist. We naturally bat our eyes and never think a thing about it.The average person blinks their eye 20 times a minute. For now, I can live with a crooked smile and a tilted nose. But my eye not closing is bothersome .
  It's been almost a week now and not much change. Today was a first-Sarah said my eye looked a little better. I go for my second acupuncture treatment in the morning. So lets hope that will speed up the healing process.
 
  

Election.....

   Uniontown doesn't have elections...thank goodness. We like it that way and sure hope it never changes. A few years back when I had Mountain Memories  I really worried about town elections. I had years of problems. Even to this day as I drive by the old shop the problems are still there. I use to complain till I was blue in the face. I might as well been talking to a concrete wall. The town would tell me it's the states problem and the state would tell me it's the towns responsibility. Daddy and I worked at fixing the problem as often as we could. A few times we would be out working and the town employees would drive by and try not to look our way. I mean come on, we see you driving by don't try to duck down in the seat. The least you could do is get out and make an effort regardless of who was the responsible party. Just a few minutes would have been appreciated. But its not my problem any more.    
   Will you vote with your chosen party or will you jump the fence and vote for the person. Crothersville has many folks who would do a great job but they choose to set on the sidelines. Setting on the sideline never gets the job done. Make sure to vote tomorrow...it's one of the privileges of living in the United States.

Time flies....

   Time flies....how many times have you heard or said that? The last few weeks have flown for me. I"ve had a list of things to get done and been working hard at crossing them off my list before the first snow flake falls.
   Thomas and I have been laying new wooden floors and ceramic tile in the house. We put this off during my chemo and we've been working hard the past few weeks. I was off yesterday (Wednesday) and I worked in my gardens preparing them for winter while Thomas laid the last of the tiles. It was warm enough that I was able to hang clothes on the line.
   We finished up at the house and we had a few things to do out at Linda's house. Once again Denise fixed an awesome supper for us. After dinner we talked about the scholarships that Denise was working on. I was trying to remember all the ones Sarah applied for. Sarah applied for one and you could only apply if you were 4 foot 11 or shorter. Seemed there was a little old lady out west who never grew taller than 4"11. She had a ton of money and wanted to spread it around.
   The one thing that I notice most after having chemo is my energy level. I can remember working in my gardens, mowing grass and being busy for most of the day. I would work non-stop and only rest a couple of times to enjoy a drink of water. Now I need a break about every 20/30 minutes. But I'm thankful that I'm still able to do the things that I enjoy.
   A belated thank you to all my friends who sent me birthday wishes....xo
I was given a book by a good friend tilted, "When You Need to Know Your Strength"-messages of hope and healing for people living with cancer. One of the quotes states,
   When it feels like the whirlwind might blow you away, think of how deeply rooted you are by love, how held down you are by the people who care about you.

Adventures........

   Today would have been my third Wednesday, chemo day. Thomas was all smiles this morning, "No, chemo for us baby," Yea, no chemo for me.
   The past week has been eventful to say the least. It started with painting Linda's front door. Daddy had a 59 year old tree cut down, I had a couple of meetings, my ex mother in law passed away and I ended the week visiting with Cindy. It was one of those weeks where emotions were high and low.
   It's always good to spend time with Linda, to catch up on girl stuff and just be able to relax and enjoy a beautiful fall day with a friend. The sugar maple  was one of five trees that Daddy planted back in 1952. Just like all of us age was catching up with the maple tree as it had the other four before. To be on the safe side Daddy decided to have it cut down rather than a storm taking it down and falling on the house. Back when my girls were little Daddy hung a swing for them to enjoy. We found part of the chain that had growed into the limb. I helped carry smaller limbs to the burn pile and stack some larger ones to be split for fire wood. Even though Daddy is 85 he can still swing a mean ax!!
   Sarah, Sandra and I attended Mamaw Ruth's funeral on Friday. As the pastor begins to talk about Ruth's life, he tells the story of what the dash represents on our tomb stone. Those of you who read this blog know what the dash means--it's your journey, from the time you take your first breath till you breath your last.  The pastor did a great job talking about the things that Ruth enjoyed and the struggles with her health in the last few years. No matter what was going on in Ruth's journey she always had a smile on her face.
   Even though Cindy and I either talk or text each other every day it's always enjoyable to hang out with her in her kitchen.  Marty, her husband will come in every now and then to see who or what we're talking about. Most times he'll hang out with us. Cindy and I have been friends since the first day of kindergarden. If I reveal the year we started school that will give our age away.
   I looked through my notebook of poems and quotes and this one talks about how you spend your time....
                              
              Lord, I have to much to do, but it's all important. Help me to set priorities so that I don't
feel lost in the pace and the pressure. Give me the wisdom and energy to accomplish what's necessary
without wasting time or effort. Help me make the best use of my day, remembering that time is
a precious gift from you........

Life is good.....

    I headed to the back porch swing with a piece of persimmon pudding in hand and Bristol followed me out. As we set down you could just see the top of the sun as it slid behind the trees. The sky looked like you had taken a paint brush and made a few swipes across the sky. Different shades of orange and yellow against the clouds and what was left of the blue sky.  I told Bristol, "look at your surroundings Bristol, what more could a person want". He must have agreed with me cause he turned around and gave me a big lick. He must have been feeling the same. The quietness of the evening, the sun setting, the field's of soybeans that had been harvested the day before made you aware of all your blessings. It's times like these that are far better than any meditation book.
   Life is good....life is getting back to normal. My list of blessing's are long, Thomas, Sarah, Sandra, Daddy and Mom. My circle of friends and my BFF's who have lifted me up with their thoughts and prayers. My home and my puppies (kids). Everyday we should take a few minutes and remember all those who have been a blessing to us. As you set in your quiet place reflect back on your day and those who have crossed your path. Look around at the sky, the trees and even the grass. Each is a blessing for us to enjoy.
   It's suppose to be a beautiful fall weekend. Get up from your couch and get outside and enjoy the blessings.

Happy Tears...........

   As Thomas and I headed for our last chemo treatment we tried to be positive. But in the back of our mind we knew there was a possibility that I would have to have two more rounds of chemo. We were prepared for good news and bad news. Luann took my blood and sent it over to the lab, then Debbie came in and informed us that Dr. Olivarez was stuck in traffic in Indy. They were to read by blood count and if all was good we were to start chemo and talk with her when she arrived. Thomas and I looked at each other knowing we had to wait a little longer.
   It became a joyous day at the cancer center. The good news was the CT scan came back showing the lymph nodes had gone down considerable. Some have gone back to the size they were a few years ago and some are back to lying dormant. The chemo did what it was suppose to do. Happy tears flowed down my cheeks. Thomas was elated. Dr. Olivarez was thrilled with the progress. We talked a little more about the future and what to watch for, but for now we kicked cancer's butt.
   Debbie came and helped me back to my chair and she also was excited, I think she even shed a tear or two. The other nurses were thrilled and we all did a little dance.
   As I got settle in my chair I sent a text to Sarah and Sandra at work. By then some of the meds were making me sleepy so I took a nap. Sandra stopped by and woke me up with a big hug and she was all smiles. Sarah had text on her break and was thrilled....You kicked butt Mommy!!
   I told cancer not to mess with me. I was stronger and more powerful than it was. Cancer still sucks. But I can put it on the middle burner now instead of on the front one. Now when I wake up it will become the second or third thing I now think of. Maybe life can get back to normal. Robin one of my other nurses wanted to know what Thomas and I was going to do on the next third Wednesday....Thomas said stay home and enjoy the day.
   Thomas and I have a couple of projects that we had put on hold but now we can proceed with them. I have a few trips planned in the next few months and I'm excited about them. I just have to get through the next three weeks with this chemo. The tired days, the hair falling out and the aches and pains.
   It will be worth it knowing that I--little ole me kicked cancer's butt.......

CT Scan..........

   I headed to the hospital a little after 7am this morning while it was still dark. I was scared,  nervous and couldn't stay focused. I had the radio on listening to the news but I really wasn't listening. My mind was on the CT scan that I was about to take. The scan would show if the chemo had done its job.
   I've tried real hard the past few days not to think to much about it. But just like cancer it's always on your mind. It's really out of my hands. I've done everything that I was suppose to. The doctor's and the nurses have done all that they could. So really it's in Gods hands.....
   I've had so many friends that have sent me cards, called me or dropped by the shop to let me know that they pray for me daily. Some of my friends send me text and let me know if there is anything they can do for me all I've got to do is ask. I get over whelmed some days with the love that is shown to me.
   I have my last chemo (I hope) on Wednesday. Thomas and I have to be there at 9am. So keep sending happy thoughts my way......xo
 
 

Cancer Sucks...........

Cancer Sucks.....
   It sucks up your energy, it sucks up your time and it sucks out your bank account. It will even try to suck all the color from your world. Cancer just plain sucks....
  Will the day ever come that when my first thought as I wake up or my last thought before I close my eyes at night won't be "cancer."
   For almost 10 years cancer has been like a dark cloud that hovers over me. No matter how bright the sun, there's that dark cloud. No matter how much I laugh or how great my day was come bedtime that dark cloud is still there. I just want to scream at it, "go away and leave me alone."
   Cancer makes even the most joyous person angry at times. I get angry when I don't have the strength to work for hours in my gardens. I get angry when I comb my hair and the sink is full of hair. I get angry when I have to re-arrange my schedule for cancer. I get angry when the chemo treatment makes me so tired that all I can do is lay in bed. I get angry that chemo is so expensive. Being angry is part of the journey for a person with cancer. We feel a hundred different feeling on any given day. But the feeling of strength and the faith to fight is there every second of the day.
   My journey is filled with a loving family and I'm blessed with a circle of friends who encourage me daily and who surround me with love and happy thoughts.
   But at the end of each day, as I set on my back porch I look around and see all the blessing that I have.
Cancer can pick on me all it wants but it will never, never win.

Rocky the new calf....

   Last evening was another night at Linda's house. While Thomas was doing his "out with the old and in with the new" stuff , Denise and I headed to the barn to visit with the new calf, Rocky and he's awful cute. We piddled around the barn for awhile and headed back to the house to see if Linda needed help putting supper on the table. Linda and I made plans for our next project at her house and we made some notes. By the time Thomas and I headed home the temperature was dropping and it was getting cool. He had to turn on the heater to warm my toes!!
   Hope everyone has an awesome weekend and takes a few moments to set a spell, close your eyes and listen to the beauty around you.........xo
  

Lizzie.....

   Sarah lost one of her Rottweiler's a few days ago. Lizzie was nine years old and was a special girl. Even though she was a big Rottie she had a gentle spirit. Sarah had rescued Lizzie when she was just a year old. Both of her Rottie's has stayed at our house for the past year. Each morning I would go out and give them a treat for the day. Sunday morning as I came out of the garage with treats in hand I didn't hear her normal, "hurry with the treat" bark. As I rounded the corner I seen her and I knew. I walked on over--bless her heart she was gone.
   Sarah and I had talked many times about Lizzie getting up in age but she was healthy. She never had any health problems. I made my way back to the house and called Sarah. It broke my heart to make that call and to tell Sarah that one of her baby's had passed away. Sarah and Pat headed to the house. We got her into the garage and covered her up. Sarah's heart was breaking as she loved on Lizzie for the last time. It was hard for Pat and I to watch as Sarah kissed her goodbye. Sarah had her cremated.
   Those of you who love your pets know the hurt that Sarah was feeling. Our pets become part of our family. They sleep with us, we tell them our secrets and we take them on vacation with us. When we've had a terrible day they give us unconditional love and make everything better. If your like Sarah you take them to the DQ for treats and Mickey D's for cheeseburgers.
                                 The one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have in this
                          selfish worked, the one that never desserts him, the one that never proves
                          ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog.
                                                                                       Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Busy week....

   It's been a few days since I've been here, just been busy...
Tuesday night Thomas and I had supper at Linda's house. I fixed chicken casserole and dessert. Linda and Denise fixed a couple of side dishes. Janet, Linda's Mom ate with us also. It was good to set around the table and share funny stories. After supper Thomas helped Linda with a few "out with the old and in with the new" things around her house and I did the dishes.
   Wednesday was chemo #5. Was the same routine but it took longer. The center's computers were down and it took longer to get my blood test back. There were four new people receiving chemo for the first time. I took a nap during the first part of my treatment and when I woke up every chair was full, even the private rooms. I told my nurse Debbie it makes me sad to see these new folks. I was able to visit with my friend Rosemary and later in the afternoon Jan Hall came in for her treatment. We were able to head home about 4:15. It was a long and sad day. Even though the nurses stay upbeat and do their best to make your stay positive, it makes your heart ache to see so many people fighting this damn cancer.
   Thursday and Friday I didn't feel that great and Saturday wasn't much better. I slept most of Saturday afternoon hoping to sleep through the yucky feeling. Not for sure how I feel about my last treatment. At least I hope it's my last one. Dr. Olivarez told me she usually orders six to eight treatments for Follicular Lymphoma and she is hoping six is all I need. She scheduled a CT scan for the Monday before #6 and we will know if the last five has done what they are suppose to. If it didn't....well I'll cross that bridge when I get there. I've been fighting this damn cancer for 10 years and it has yet to get the best of me and I'm not going to give up now.
  Thanks to my friends who have sent text messages and phoned with happy thoughts....just keep sending them my way...xo

Hear me roar..........

   It's been an interesting day and a day of rush. I'm not one to work like a mad man but today we needed to at times. Got to the shop early to deliver a casket spray to the funeral home and then a few hours later the funeral home calls and they need another casket spray and could I get it there in 25 minutes. Seems there was a mix up. I got it there in 35 minutes. It would have been sooner but I got caught by the train!! I am woman hear me roar......
   Tomorrow will be chemo #5. Thomas and I have to be there at 9:15am. Send me happy thoughts tomorrow....

Holiday weekend....

   It's the last holiday of the summer. Everyone will be grilling out and lounging on their patios with family and friends. The next holiday is Thanksgiving and we'll be wearing jackets. Oh, what fun it is to live in the Midwest. Seasons change, but I enjoy the changing of the seasons. Fall is my favorite time of the year. Thomas and I enjoy taking a hike in the woods and relaxing on the back porch in the cool of the evening. This morning as I was watering the chickens and ducks there was a peacefulness in the air. The grass was wet from the dew, fog lingered over the pond and the sun was just coming up. I could see the path that Darrell and Darrell (my two Mallards) had made in the wet grass heading to the pond. It was one of those picture perfect mornings.
   Been busy at the flower shop this morning. I designed another casket spray, family pieces and made an altar bouquet for one of the local churches. After I leave work I'm heading to Linda's house for another day of out with the old and in with the new. It's refreshing to Linda to bid farewell to old things. It's a new chapter in her life one that she is looking forward to.
   Everyone enjoy the holiday weekend, find time to take a nap and enjoy your family.....xo

Sweet Potatoes......

   I purchased sweet potatoes plants back in the spring for me and Daddy to plant in his garden. We kept them watered and watched over them. As Thomas and I were driving down our driveway the other afternoon Daddy motioned for us to come over. He wanted to show us how good our sweet tators had done. As we were walking through the garden you could see the tators were peeking through the soil. Daddy reached down and worked a tator out and it was huge. He handed it to Thomas and said, "she'll go two pounds". Sure enough when I went home she weighed two pounds.
   The next day I made two sweet tator casseroles, one for Daddy and one for us. I can't wait till the first frost to dig them up. We'll sure have sweet tators for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
   We sure could use some rain. I've been watering my new trees that I set out this spring. Don't want to lose them. I've got a couple of Pecan trees that I have babied for the last three years. These were the seedlings from the Pecan tree at Tommy's that was over 120 years old. Tommy cut it down about two years before I closed the flower shop. Each year I would have little seedlings pop up everywhere. Two of the four have done great and they are almost three foot tall. The other two have been struggling. But plants are just like people some prosper better than others.
   Today was a good day at work. We received more Vera Bradley and a new line of angels. I designed a casket spray for a family and some other pieces for them. As many of you know casket sprays are my favorite arrangement to design. They are a work of art.
Everyone have a peaceful evening......

My weekend.....

   I was only able to spend a few minutes on the back porch Saturday as I was summoned to Linda's house to do some painting along with Rachelle. It was out with the old and in with the new at Linda's house. We painted, cleaned carpets and made piles for a yard sale. Denise fixed lunch and we had a wonderful meal. One room down and a few to go.
   Sunday was Thomas birthday. We spent the day going to flea markets, had lunch in Nashville and visited a few of the shops. It was a wonderful day, just the two of us with no time schedule. We took the long way home through the country and visited the DQ.
   I was glad that I was feeling good to be able to spend Saturday with Linda and Sunday with Thomas.This week is my good week. I will feel normal with not a lot of side effects. Next week is #5. But that's next week--this week I will enjoy the sunny days and the cool nights. Maybe Thomas and I can enjoy supper on the back porch a couple of nights.

Day 9

   Today is day nine and it's really the first day that I've woke up feeling good. The past eight days have been rough but I've done my best to stay in a routine. Day three and four were the worse. I keep telling myself--only two more.
   Thomas and I were talking at the dinner table the other night and he wondered how the next two would affect me since they were starting to wear me down. I started to tear up because I knew he had noticed. I try to stay strong for the both of us but if you ask him he's the strong one for both of us. We decided to just get through the next one and worry about the last one when the time comes.
  I'm off tomorrow (Saturday) so I hope to spend a lot of time on my back porch.
Hope everyone enjoys their weekend and gets to spend a lot of time with family....xo

Chemo #4

   Thomas and I arrived at the Cancer Center at 9am. They drew blood and then we seen Dr. Olivarez. She was concerned with my fingers being numb and tingling all the time. She decided to decrease the drug--Vincristine. Using this drug over a period of time with the side effect could cause nerve damage in my hands and fingers. She was concerned with me being a florist that it would have a long term effect on me. She was also worried with the night sweats that I'm having. These are different from hormonal hot flashes. I'm going to keep track of what day and time I have them in my journal and let her know what days in the cycle I have them. Another side effect of Vincristine is hair loss. Combing my hair before going bed I placed quite a few hairs in my bag. Maybe this will slow it down too. Let's hope so. I've had to change my hair style somewhat trying to make it look fuller.
   I was anxious on the drive up, was worried how this treatment would effect me. Some have told me the more treatments you have the harder it is on your body. That was weighing heavy on my mind.
Thomas held my hand during the drive and that was a comfort to me. I knew he could sense my concerns. He knows me so well I don't have to tell him whats on my mind.
   My white blood count was down a few more points as was my platelet count. But not low enough to cancel the chemo. My weight was also down. We made our way out to the chemo room and I picked out my usual chair. I got settled in and being tired from not sleeping well the night before I dozed off and slept for an hour and half. I finally woke up and  Thomas had gotten me a light lunch. Sandra came in and checked on me and the nurse said she knew who's daughter she was as soon as she came through the door--she looks just like you. But we're told that all the time....:)
   We were finally done at 3:30 and we headed home. Linda and Sarah text me just as I got in the truck to make sure I was doing ok. We got home and Thomas tucked me in and I slept for a few more hours while he made us supper. I helped him clean up the kitchen and I laid back down. Lily laid right next to me. Animals can sense when their owner is not well or something is wrong. Thomas tried to get her to come into the living room with him but she wouldn't budge. She laid there most of the evening with me.
   So, I have four down and two to go. What a way to spend your summer. But as I've said so many times I'm thankful that I can still work and have the energy to work around the yard in my flowers. I even got my bicycle out and rode up to Daddy's last week. Daddy was clapping his hands as I drove up to his shop. The smile on his face was priceless to me......

Staying strong through it all..........

   As I set taking chemo #3 a few weeks ago a lady who I had delivered flowers to a few days earlier came into the room to talk to the nurse. I recognized her and smiled. After her conservation was over she came over and talked with me and Thomas. She said she couldn't believe that I had cancer. When I delivered her flowers I looked so healthy. Rosemary explained to me her cancer and I told her she looked just as healthy as I did. We both laughed and talked of how we both needed to be strong and beat this cancer. We gave each other a squeeze of the hand and that we would keep in touch.
   It was the end of the day and our delivery driver had gone home and I hadn't been out of the shop all day. I told Vivki that I would drive over to see if the customer was home now to receive her flowers.
   Kinda makes you wonder if we were suppose to meet--do you believe in fate--do you think things happen for a reason? Why was it that I delivered those flowers that day. Our paths crossed for some reason. If nothing other than to give each other support of staying strong through this battle.
   I've talked many times about your mentality during cancer. Most days that's all you got. You just can't wave your hands in the air and give up. You can't buy your plot, make your funeral arrangements then set around and wait to die. You've got to stay strong and surround your self with strong people. You wake up in the morning and thank the Lord for another day and then YOU decide what kind of day you're going to have.For me I have awesome days. I refuse to let cancer dictate my agenda. Many days I feel terrible, but I put on my flip flops and do what needs to be done. Whether it's a day of designing flowers, doing the laundry or running errands with Thomas.
   Wednesday will be Chemo #4. The past couple of weeks I've noticed that the tingle and numbness in my fingers has gotten worse. Holding my knife while designing doesn't bother me as much as trying to pick up something small. My bag of hair has gotten a bit fuller and seems each day something different bothers me.
   I can run pretty fast in my flip flops and I don't believe cancer will catch up with me. I'm just to darn fast and to darn strong........

Happy Birthday Sandra....

Today is Sandra's Birthday. 27 years ago today at 12:21 in the afternoon Sandra made her entrance into the world in an unusual way at 7lbs. 6oz. and 21 inches long. It was a fast birth but not an easy one. Sandra decided that she was going to be different and she's been that way ever since. Sandra does things her way and doesn't follow behind the rest of the world.
We had a good visit this morning and she still gets excited when the presents come out. Sandra gives me lots of laughs and tons of joy and I'm proud of the woman that she has become.
Happy Birthday to my beautiful baby girl!!!

Living on Love.....

   Mom and Daddy celebrated 65 years of marriage on Wednesday, August 3. I hope you were able to see their picture in the Times. 65 years of waking up to the same smiling face each morning. There have been many up and downs but they say they would change nothing. They tell me they never want to know what it's like to be without each other. But when they do they will wait by the gate and then they will stroll across heaven with each other.....
Thomas and I celebrate our anniversary tomorrow, August 6. Ours will be number 18. We also have had our ups and down and I never want to go through this world with out my Thomas. Thomas says we will just go together and then we don't have to be without each other--sounds good to me!!
   As the week has progressed I've began to feel better. I have a little more energy. Eight of my ten fingers are numb on the tips and they tingle. I'm still a little light headed but I try to cope with that. My taste buds are still not working well, but it could be worse. I'm thankful that I'm able to do what I can and I'm still able to work.
   Everyone enjoy your weekend and count your blessings..............
 

Part of the process.....

   It's been a rough two days. I just want to lie down and pull the covers over my head and wait to feel better. I have aches everywhere. It even hurts to breath sometimes. My fingers and hands tingle, my muscles ache, my back hurts and I'm light headed at times. Nothing taste good, even water don't taste the same. It's sometimes hard to explain how I feel on the inside, it's a feeling that I've never had before. I've woke up with hot flashes the last two nights. I get up and wipe the sweat off of me and then lay back down. I know it's just part of the process to kill this damn cancer. But I hate feeling like this. I did come to work today. I didn't want to lay around the house all day. Designing flowers takes my mind off it. I've been busy doing funeral work and there are a few boxes that came in that I need to unpack. I just keep telling my self the worse I feel the more the chemo is working inside of me. Even though the chemo is killing the bad cancer cells it's also killing the good cells. But that's part of it. Maybe just a couple more days of feeling bad......

Three down and three to go.....

   Wednesday chemo went pretty well. Thomas and I got to the center around 9am. They drew blood and then we began the chemo. A fill in nurse brung over Tylenol and the Benadryl. I told her I don't take Tylenol and she said are you sure? I told her to go check my chart. I made her show me the milligrams for the Benadryl. My regular nurse Debbie placed the needle in the vein that runs along the inside of my right  forearm. She said it look like a healthy vein. I said, we can try it. It didn't work as good as Debbie thought. Below the needle my arm stayed warm and above the needle it was stayed cold and there was a slight burning. They kept a warm blanket on it, it helped some. But we won't be using that vein again. Thomas and I headed home about 3:30pm. So I have three down and three to go.
   Cindy came by and visited with us, she brung me a bag of goodies. Thomas, Cindy and I had an awesome afternoon we laughed and enjoyed each others company. We got some pictures taken and they turned out great. Sandra stopped by on her lunch hour and said we were having to much fun.
   I felt good enough to do my floral design show at the fair last night. I chose a Christmas theme and all the ladies enjoyed it. It was a bit warm but at least there was a small breeze. A big "thank you" to Derrick for all his help.
  Today is day two and I've felt pretty good. I did start getting tired this afternoon. Heather and I worked on the displays in the show room. We have a fall theme with pumpkins, ghost and fall silks. The Vera Bradley is coming in a little each day. We've already had ladies coming in and making their purchases.
   Hope everybody has a good weekend......stay cool and be safe.

Wednesday is number three.....

   Today is the last day of my feel great week. I've been so busy the past few days trying to get stuff done and preparing for my design show at the fair on Thursday July 28. I'll be ok during the show, day one is a high energy day. Sarah is going to help me...she loves doing the show with me.
   Update on the ducks...got them over to the fair on Saturday afternoon and gave them a bath--I know what your thinking, ducks don't need help taking their bath. But they got a little messing towards the end. They out grew their pen. They needed to be pretty for when the kids came to watch them go down the slide. Linda just laughed as I bathed them. Derrick was keeping them in line for their bath. Check them out in the FFA building. The one with the small black spot on the top of his head is Felix!!! He gets to come back home with me after the fair is over. A few of them died and Linda says that is usual. I gave up on one who was near death. I took him from the pen and  laid him in a bag on Saturday morning. Saturday after coming back from taking the others over I kept hearing a baby duck quack. I checked the pen twice and then I looked over and there was the miracle duck standing tall quacking at me....."look at me over here"--"I'm alive and well." I picked him up cuddled him and gave him food and water. I told him he was a miracle duck and that I would call him Moses. Moses lived to be over 700 years old so I guess he earned his name. He's lonesome all by his self but Felix will be back and he will have a buddy.
   I entered baked goods at the fair in the family arts building. I received a blue ribbon on my open faced peach pie and a second on  from scratch angel food cake. My angel food cake stood four inches tall. The taller the cake the better. Sunday evening we cheered on Denise in the Fair Queen pageant. She was so beautiful and she worked the run way just like a professional. Guess those judges just weren't paying attention.
   Thomas and I will head to the Cancer Center tomorrow morning around 8am. They will draw blood  weight me and then start the chemo. It will be another long day. We have our reading material packed and we usually watch the Food Channel and then we just channel surf. Sure hope this one goes well and the side effects stay the same. I'll keep you posted. Send me good thoughts tomorrow....love you all.

Feeling normal.....tibits of my week

   This week has been good.....:)  I feel like myself again. I've been busy at home and doing things here and there. They told me I would feel great a few days before the next round of chemo and then it starts all over again. But, I"m thankful for a few good days.
    Saturday Sandra was in a wedding and she looked beautiful. So did the bride Chelse!
   Even though it's been hot as fire outside I've worked in my gardens a bit, but way to hot to set on the porch.
   It's been extra busy at the flower shop. Our Vera Bradley arrived and we have a big wedding this weekend. The new bamboo floors are done and the show room looks great. We got all the displays back together. Heather is anxious to put out Fall. But, you know it will be here before you know it.
   Thomas and I ran errands yesterday. We took Bristol to get his nails trimmed. I tell him he's going to the beauty shop!!!  He loves going cause all the girls make over him and tell him how handsome he is. He gets treats from all of them. It's so funny to see him strut out the door like the stud he is. We just laugh at him.
  Cindy and I talked till 11pm last night, we had a lot to catch up on.
   Linda brung me 50 baby ducks that were 3 days old. When we opened the box one little baby didn't make the trip. I guess you could say I'm babysitting them until they go to the fair. These are the ducks that are in the FFA building. The one's who walk up the slide, get a bit and slide down the back side. They are now a week old and have doubled in size.
   Well, there you have my week of tibits. I know it's been a few days since I've written, but I've been trying to catch up on things while I feel good.
   Enjoy your evening!
  

Day seven and eight....

   Today is day nine and it's a  much better day...Tuesday and Wednesday--day seven and eight were not good days. Everything runs in patterns and what day it is from the day of chemo. Those of you who know me know that I stay busy. There is always something to be done around the house either inside or outside. For the last two days I've laid around  the house feeling like I was coming down with the flu. I wanted to be outside but didn't have the energy.  I hate feeling like this but I guess I just have to let it run its course. My stomach was upset, nothing sounded good to eat and to beat it all, I had the trots....
Daddy came back and checked on me twice and Sarah and Sandra text often. Thomas is a great nurse!!
   I looked through my journal on how the days went on the first round. The symptoms were the same on each day but this round was different. I felt drained, nervous and just plain terrible. Dry toast and applesauce for lunch and baked potato for supper with a roll. You're thinking that's not enough to keep a bird alive. But it was enough for me.  
   It was explained to me as I receive each round that it wears more on my body. I"m glad to know whats ahead but it still doesn't make me look forward to four more rounds.
   What would I like to eat....a meat lovers pizza with lots of cheese...mmmm... doesn't that sound incredible. When you take a bit the pizza is so gooey that it strings as you pull it away from your mouth....ahh ....maybe I could try just one bite in about a week. Just to take a bite whether it agrees with me or not....

Famiy and Friends.....

   Hope everyone had a joyous weekend and was able to set a while and relax and take in the serenity of the day and enjoy some time with your family...family is and should be the most important thing to us.
   My bff Linda wants me to stay busy, she wants me to get out and do things an not stay at home. So for the second straight Saturday she has found something for us to do. So Saturday we ended up at the Bartholomew County Fair. Our first thing to do was check out the chicken cages. Linda needs more for the Jackson County Fair and we got them counted out and decided how many she would need. Derrick was surprised of how many chickens were on display and all the different kinds. So I explained all the different kinds for him and he got a kick out of one hen who had laid a white egg. I told him she was a city hen, country hens lay brown eggs...
   We dined on a pork chop dinner and had an enjoyable time of going through the building and stocking up on pencils for Derrick.
   My hair is still thinning. It was getting really thin on the ends so I decided to cut it. I cut one side as to where I wanted it and ask Thomas to even it up. He said are you sure, it's going to take off about three to four inches?? Yes, I"m sure. He did an awesome job. Sarah checked it out the next day and she thought it looked a lot thicker. It does feel better and not so thin, which makes me feel better and not so self conscious.
   My symptoms are about the same as the first round. Today I have been more giddish inside than the last time.  I keep a record book of each day and record when I take my meds and any other things that the nurses would need to know.
   I want to thank Shelley for thinking of me during chemo, she always text me and wants to know how it's going. Then the next day she does the same.....How are you doing today Sherry Lou? Thank you Shelley...your a good friend....xo
  
 

Two down and four to go....

Chemo #2 went good. Thomas and I meet with the doctor and we explained how the Benadryl and Tylenol effect me. She understood from last time how bad I was. She said that I would receive only half of the Benadryl and no Tylenol. Yea.....what a relief. I never want to feel that way again. To be a zombie for 12 hours and have a conservation with people who are not even around to hear you talk to them. I just set there for a minute and was so relieved.
   They drew blood and checked my white blood count. It was down a bit but not enough to worry about for now. I just need to make sure I stay away from sick people and keep my hands washed. White blood cells fight off infection. My platelet count was good.
   We made our way to my chair and they begin to hook me up. I have to admit I was afraid. I started to tear up, Thomas touched my cheek and held my hand and said it will be fine. I just knew how I felt last time after all the Tylenol and stuff and I just didn't want to feel that way again.
   Last time I wanted to set in the garden outside the center but I was so out of it I couldn't even hold my head up. I really wanted to set outside today. I started to get cold and I ask Thomas if he would take me outside. So they got the IV in order and outside we headed. The sun felt so good. Thomas noticed that there were some weeds growing around the flowers. He said for me to over look the weeds cause he knows how I hate weeds in a  flower garden. We had a good laugh over me being picky about weeds and I told him when I beat this damn cancer I will come back and weed their garden.
   Linda and Derrick stopped by for a visit and I really enjoyed their company. Sandra came on her lunch hour and set with us for a bit. When my friends visit with me it makes the day go faster. Derrick was making me laugh and Thomas said it was good to see me laugh.
   It took five and half hours for this round and that's about normal. We headed home about 3:30pm. Thomas fixed me a grilled cheese and I laid down for a few hours.
   Sarah came by the house on her way home. She wanted to read my blood counts. She understands all of that stuff and she explained it all to me of what was good and how we need to watch some of the things.
  My only side effect for this round right now is that I get tired fast and I still have that metal taste. I worked today which is great. It keeps my mind off of cancer. I've been giddish most of the day but that is normal. That usually goes away in about 10 days.
   So I guess you could say all is good for now with round #2 behind me. Mental attitude is 100% of it. I refuse to let this damn caner rule my life. I keep pushing forward and leaving cancer in the dust. It will not catch me, I'm to fast for it. I will always stay two steps ahead of it.....

The start of my collection.....

   They told me it would happen. But I wasn't prepared for it. So I started my collection last night. My collection of hair that is.....
   I noticed a few extra hairs on the counter top as I combed my hair last week. Everyone loses hair each day, but this was more than just a few extra hairs. Where you would normally see five or six hairs this was 10 to 12.
   Last night as I washed my hair it was apparent that I was losing more than normal. As I ran my fingers through my wet hair it was coming out 15 to 20 strands at a time. I collected it and laid it on a kleenex to dry. I started to tear up as I stood there looking at my hair. I looked at my self in the mirror and I knew if I continued to comb it I would lose more. I reached down for my comb and gently combed though my hair with tears in my eyes I laid more hair on the kleenex. The more I combed the more came out. I finished up in the bathroom, moved my hair over to the side of the counter looked at it one more time and turned out the light. I turned down the bed and headed to the living room where Thomas was watching baseball. I wanted to tell him but if I did I knew I would break down and cry and I didn't want to do that.  I knew he would see it when he went into the bathroom. We talked for a few minutes, kissed good night and I headed to bed.
   I was still awake at 2am. I just couldn't get relaxed enough to rest. I dozed off a time or two but I kept waking up. I finally got up and headed to the office to find a book to read and headed back to bed about 2:45. I finally got to sleep but I never rested like I should have.
   I awoke this morning knowing that as I prepared for work that as soon as I combed my hair more would come out. It doesn't matter how easy you comb, it still comes out. I tried to be gentle but my pile of hair kept getting bigger. It took longer than usual to get ready. My usual soft hair felt stiffer and was harder to style. Finally I got it where it looked half way decent. I thought to myself...no one will be able to notice that I have lost some hair--but I will and it makes me very sad.
  Thanks to my Gramdma Peavler (mom's Mother) I have thin hair. My doctor said it might not all fall out but it would get really thin. That makes a thin haired person even feel worse. Knowing that you don't have that much to to start with. I took pictures of my hair and sent it to Sarah and Sandra. Sandra said let it fall out, then you can look forward to it growing back. I guess that's one way to look at it.
   Tomorrow is chemo #2. I meet with the doctor at 9:15am, get my blood work, then begin chemo.
I hope they have a new game plan. Thomas is glad we get to meet with her so we can discuss my options for this round.



  .

Making a poor man happy.......

   Was visiting with Daddy and Mom yesterday and Daddy was telling me of a segment on the news that he had watched the day before.
   It begins as the Dad was standing along the highway holding a sign stating that his family needed a roof over their head and he would accept any help. One lady stopped and told him she had an extra room at her home and gave him the address. He hurried to his family and they made their way to her home. It showed the family in a small bedroom with everyone setting on the bed. Mom, Dad, the five kids and the family dog. Everyone was smiling and happy to have a roof over their head. The Dad stated they we all so happy and thankful of the kindness that the lady had shown to them. The kids were laughing and caring on as kids do with not a care in the world. He told of how another lady had offered him a job of parking cars at an amusement park for $10 an hour and he said that was the most he had ever made for an hours pay. He said he felt like "king of the world." His family was warm and dry and all together. Actually, they felt as if they had just won the lottery.
   Daddy said that it don't take much to make a poor man happy. Everyday folks complain that their car isn't new enough, their house doesn't have enough room or they need a swimming pool. We're never satisfied with what we have. We as a nation always want bigger and more pricey items. We complain every day about not having what the neighbor has. How many times today have you said  to yourself...Oh, I wish I could have_______.
   Here was a family with hardly nothing but a few clothes and they were happy just to be all together in one small room with only one bed. We don't know how good we have it. We take for granted all the little things that we have and always want more. Is your health good? Are you happy? Do you have food for supper tonight? Do you have a roof over your head?
Look around....look at all the things that you have that so many folks dream of. You're a rich man to them. They proably wish they were you. When you lay your head down tonight in your cool house think of that family and the many other familys who are sleeping in their cars or under a bridge or in the park covered with a card board box. Look up and say thank you Lord for all that I have been blessed with and help me to help someone tomorrow.

Rain on Monday...

Do you remember the song back in the 70's by the Carpenters--Rainy days and Mondays always get me down--was the chorus. I still have that album. You remember those vinyl albums don't you? How many of you still have your collection. Thomas and I still have ours and our 45's. I still have some of Sarah's. Sandra never owned any, she was in the cassette era, she has a couple of shoe boxes at the house filled with cassettes.
Anyhow--the sun is out and no one should have the rainy day Monday's blues.
 It's quiet in the flower shop. Not much going on. It's nice to have days like this. You can get caught up on things and do some cleaning.
Was out at lunch running errands and went to Sandra's office to check on her. Today was her first day back to work. I could tell she was back to her bubbly self...as I entered her office and headed down the hall I could hear her say..Hey, Mommy...whatcha doing??
Thomas is off on vacation this week and he has a couple of things that he wants us to go and see. We didn't get to go to Florida for 15 days as we usually do. Chemo kinda got in the way. But we will do some mini vacation days here and there and we have some things planned this fall for a couple of days.
Let me know if you still have your album collection!!!

Farmers Market

   I got up early this morning so that I could visit the Farmers Market before heading into the flower shop. As I was almost ready to leave home Sarah stopped in and we set on the porch and visited awhile. It was a beautiful morning. The air was cool, the Cardinals were feeding on the corn feeder and the back yard had a few rabbits out feeding.  My two Mallard ducks, Darrell and Darrell were heading to the pond.You needed a sweeter to take the chill off. Sarah and I had a good time laughing and catching up on her week. I tried to talk her into meeting me at the market but she had some errands to run
   As I pulled into the parking lot folks were already buying fresh potatoes and lettuce buy the bag. I could smell fresh baked bread and hand made soap. I visited with a couple of friends who had purchased some soap and they were telling me how the one kind is good for removing soil stains from a hard day in the garden. We gave each other a hug  and I headed to the herbs and checked them out. I  made my purchase of bread and looked through the vegetables. I was looking for fresh fruit, I knew it was  a little early but was hoping to find some.
Lingering at each booth and checking out all the goodies is good for the soul. At one booth they were selling wooden items and a young man was playing his banjo and singing an old George Jones song and I began to hum to myself as he played. The morning couldn't have been any sweeter...

Finally Friday.....

It's been a long week...... Sandra is feeling better and on the mend. Talked to her today and she was feeling lots better. I'm just tired. Wednesday wore me out. I called one of my many nurses today and talked to her about how bad Wednesday was and she's going to check with the doctor to see if or how we can change the next chemo treatment. I told her things had to change somehow. I ask a lot of questions...why was I given two Tylenol & why was I given Benadryl.  Lydia states,with the drug Rituxan there is a side effect of  your heart rate dropping or your blood pressure dropping to low and the Tylenol and Benadryl  somehow keep that from happening. Then I ask, do you know for sure that would happen to me-- maybe I'm different--maybe I'm not like everybody else. She just laughed and said well, maybe you are. I just know that I don't want to hallucinate and be a zombie for 12 hours the next treatment.
I'm not a pill taker. When I have a pain I don't take pills, never have. I just deal with it. I don't do well with Tylenol or Excedrin I always have a nervous reaction to them.
I"m in control here, not the cancer. I call the shots--not cancer. I refuse to let cancer ruin my summer. They all need to get together and figure this out. So, they have a till July 6 to get all their ducks in a row.
I"ve been discussing it with Sarah, she is my book of knowledge when it come to science and health. Who knew that her degree at Ball State would come in handy one day.
It's time to call it a day and set on the back porch with Thomas and forget about cancer for a while.....

Nothing but a blur....

   Yesterday was chemo day and I don't remember much. Thomas and I headed to Seymour about 8:30am.
I got settled in and my nurse Debbie came over and we chatted for a bit. She starts by giving me two Tylenol and then a dose of Benadryl through the vein. The Benadryl will make you sleepy and calm your nerves. Looking back last week I had a reaction to it, but I never gave it a second thought. I have restless leg syndrome. I sometimes have to soak in a hot tub to relax the nerves in my legs after being on them all day. It's just one more thing that you learn to live with. 
Debbie begin giving me the rest of the chemo drug, Rituxan. I began to relax from the Benadryl and then I just kinda went into a disco fever dance. I was a nervous twitch. My legs began to twitch, my arms were shaking and I felt like I didn't have any control over my limbs.
Thomas was trying to hold my hand and comfort me. He helped me stand up and the nurse came over concerned. I told her I can't take much more of this. She gave me a shot of something and it was suppose to void out the Benadryl. Still to no avail there I set shaking my arms, twitching my legs. Thomas at this point was becoming really concerned. Debbie came back over and I was in tears by now. I told her I can't do this. I"m having a nervous reaction to it and I don' want to feel like this. She gave me another does of what ever she gave me before and I began to feel calm. After that last dose I remember nothing. I don't remember the ride home, nor getting into bed. Thomas said Daddy talked to me and I answered his questions about my day but I don't remember even seeing my Daddy. I really don't remember nothing till about 3am this morning. I slept 12 hours and was out like a zombie.
I"m glad Sarah and Sandra were not with us. I wouldn't want them to see me like that.
As I set there twitching I tried my best not to cry. I tried to put my mind in another place, like walking on the beach last summer with Thomas. But I could not calm my self. It's an awful feeling not to have control over your body.
   Today I'm a little better. It was a rough start but I got it all pulled together and I came into work. I was glad that Heather and I  were busy and we almost ran out of flowers. Keeping your mind busy is a good thing. Talking to customers who have no ideal what your going through is a blessing. They talk to you like your normal. Most of the time they also have health problems. They say, "You're so lucky that your healthy"  I just smile......

Monday update....

   Just got Sandra home from hospital. She did great. Everything went as planned and now she can get back to playing volleyball on Wednesday nights.
   I"m glad I was feeling better today so that I could be with her. Saturday and Sunday were bad day's for me. I had zero energy. I felt like I had been hung on the clothes line and beaten with a broom.  I said my prayers this morning and told the Lord that I needed a ton of energy today for my little girl. Thanks for hearing my prayer, Lord!!
   I go back this Wednesday for the other half of my chemo from last week. They wanted me to ease into the stronger drug. I take two steroid pills each day  five days after each chemo so today is day five. Makes you wonder why they would give steroids to an already over weight woman who has cancer. It's just one more thing to worry about. But at least it's only five days. But they figure I need to keep my strength up. But I've lost nine pounds, so I can't complain. I also take a pill to ward off shingles and chicken pox. I never had chicken pox when I was a kid. Sarah and Sandra had them when they were little but I never caught them. Sure don't need them now.
   With my cancer my immune system is shot and I can pick up any kind of germ. I wash my hands all the time and when I have to shop I wash the cart down with those wipes. The chemo kills even my good cells that fight off germs so I can't win for losing. They tell me not to even shake hands with folks. But I'm a hugger so maybe I won't have to touch peoples hands. I would rather hug than shake hands--:)

Everyone have a good evening....I"ll be back in a few days!!

Supper with Linda...

   My bff Linda and I headed south last night for a girls night out. It was good to get out and escape from chemo. Linda needed an update and then we didn't talk about it for the rest of the night. We had a fun time. We ate dinner and took our time. We must have set there for two hours. The waitress must have come back seven or eight times to check on us. We always told her we were fine, but she did kept our drinks (water & tea)  filled. There was about a 45 minute wait for a table but we had to wait and we figured everyone else could wait too.
   We got caught up on our kids and life in general. Linda talked of her collage days and we had a big laugh. Sarah tells me of things she did when she was at Ball State and some of them I would rather not know. Funny how your kids tell you the things they did years afterwards. Guess they figure you can't punish them now. I just shake my head.....
   Not much on my agenda today with the rain. Daddy made me a new birdhouse so maybe the rain could hold off for abit while we mount it.
   Hope everyone enjoys their weekend and takes time to set, relax and laugh with your family.....

Was good to be back in the flower shop...

   It was exciting getting ready for work this morning. Things have been going good the last two days. I have just a few symptoms for now. I have a metal taste that comes and goes, I sometimes feel like a bobble head when I walk and I feel giddish at times. It's really scary to have all these powerful drugs in your body, when we've always been told to stay away from harmful drugs. But I guess harmful drugs are good for you when you need them. My appetite has changed and pizza just don't sound good. Been eating lots of fruits and green veggies. I have a list of things that I should and shouldn't eat.
   I try my best to stay positive and so far I haven't cried since Wednesday. I kinda lost it when I had to sign the papers to receive chemo. Thomas said he seen a tear fall from my cheek onto the floor. Sarah and Sandra was so strong for me they took hold of my hands while I broke down as I set in the chemo room and they both give me "the look" and told me to be strong and we will get through this. At that moment I felt like I was the child and they were the mother. Thomas also took my hand and held it while they prepared my arm.
   Mental attitude is everything. I could set around and say, "Oh poor me" but that's not me. I don't need people feeling sorry for me, I need happy thoughts sent my way. I will get through this journey and I will be stronger.
   I appreciate everyone who has sent me cards, text me and called me just to let me know they care. We've set all my cards on the dinning room table so that I can see them often. They make me smile...:)

  

Update on Mom...

Hey everyone, It's Sandra...

We all got to the Cancer Center and 8:30. It was a scary going in, but it was something that we all had to do. Sarah, Thomas, myself and mom, was taken into one of the rooms and they did a teaching class on what to expect during all the treatments. After that, we all headed to the treatment room. Mommy did real good until she set down in the chair, she cried a bit and Sarah and I told her it was going to be fine. Some of the nurses also told her everything would be fine. So she wiped her tear away and they preparred her arm and began her Chemo. She only took part of the Chemo today and will go back next Wednesday for the rest, due to the dose being so strong. She got home today around 1:30pm and Thomas helped her into bed for some rest. Keep thinking good thought of mom and I found out I have to get my gallbladder out Monday morning. When it rains it pours...
I will keep you posted until mom gets back

Sandra...

Getting back to normal.....

   It was a good Festival, it was humid but at least we didn't have any rain outs. It did rain Saturday about 2am. It rained so hard that the water ran off the school's roof and damaged two tents. The one lady said she just needed to go home. She was from Brown County and it just wasn't worth it to drive back and get her other tent. It was her first time at the Festival and she was surprised of how nice it was. She made me promise I would send her an application for 2012.
   Sunday I spent a couple hours packing everything back in totes for next year. I called Linda to make sure she had all the BBQ sauce washed off and she was packing things away too.
   Saturday evening I had quite a few folks stopping me and wishing me well. My cousin Steve and I had a good visit. He lost his Daddy (Dale) to cancer a few years ago. I love Steve, him and I are awful close. We talked for a while and I couldn't hold back my tears as we talked. My good friend Wanda came over and she wanted me to know that she was keeping me in her prayers. I do ok when folks talk to me but when it's someone that I feel close to I get emotional. Wanda just hugged me and cried with me. Some folks had been through the treatments and are in remission. They just wanted me to know that they made it and I will too.
   Wednesday will be here before I know it and I'm not ready. It's scares the hell out of me. I'm tearing up just writting this. I will have Thomas, Sarah and Sandra by my side but my heart aches for them having to set and watch. I had a friend tell me years ago it's not the cancer that kills you but the stuff they give you that kills you. But then on the other hand folks tell me that they have made improvement in the treatments and the side effects aren't as bad. But still it's powerful stuff to be putting into your body. It's the not knowing that scares you. How fast will by hair fall out, will I be sick all the time, will I be able to work in my flower beds and mow my grass. I just need to stay positive and fight like hell and hope that all these treatments go fast.

It's quiet.......

   All is quiet out on the festival grounds. I like to walk around this time of night. There is a sense of peace. I just made my walk and there was just a few folks still in their booths cleaning up. As I was walking I wondered would this be my last festival? Would I have the strength to do this again--I have made some wonderful friendships with my vendors. Each one is special to me in a different way. Some have been with me for 20 plus years. But then I think to myself, I am strong and I will be back and I will continue to direct the festival at least till I am 99. They will have to buy me a motorized chair and I can point directions with my cane. Can't you see me and Linda having races up and down hamburger alley (that's what we call the area where all the food is) we could take bets on who wins!!!
   I had a few people come up to me tonight to tell me that they were keeping me in their prayers and I will be fine and I will beat this. That makes me tear up but it's nice to know that folks care.
   Today was an easy day. I was informed last night that my hurricane problem has been removed. I was so relieved I won't have to put up with that anymore. Maybe putting on the festival will be easier from now on.
   Sandra called last night and she wasn't feeling well. She went to the doctor today and she might have to have her gallbladder taken out. That's just one more thing for me to worry about. She is of me and she too is strong and we don't have time to be sick.
   Well, I'm getting tired and I'm headed home. Tomorrow will be an all day event. Make sure you come and enjoy the festival with your family.

It's here.....

Today starts the festival for me. I woke up early and got to work on the flowers for the Princess contest. It was still cool enough that I was able to set on the back porch in my night gown. By the time I was done it was already getting hot. Setting up the festival  is easy for me...I think I can do it blindfolded. But this morning I was very nervous and gittish. I'm not one to get nervous over stuff. But then I remembered that I had chemo next week and it made sense why my nerves was bothering me. But I put on my big girl panties...lol and told this damn cancer that I had a festival to put on so it better take a back seat.
I've already set a few booths and I'm ready to tackle the rest of the week. My bff Linda gave me a hug and we had some quiet time and all is good now. So I will see you at the festival. Come and see Linda for one of her world famous FFA Pork burgers.

Stress.....

It's a known fact that stress will kill you. The past couple of days have been good for me. But waking up this morning at 4:30 my mind was wondering here and there. As I laid there I could feel Thomas holding my hand while he slept, which brought a tear to my eye. Lily and Bristol were stretched out sound asleep. All was right with the world...the quietness of our home was so peaceful. Then I closed my eyes and cried. I bottled up the moment and saved it.
It's just been one of those days. I always have the radio on when I drive, but this morning all I wanted was silence. I fought back the tears all the way to work. I sucked it up and was not going to let this damn cancer get the best of my day.
Stress will be double for the next few days with the Festival--if I let it... I have the same person year after year who causes unneeded stress during the Festival. I pity them, seems they always have a hurricane brewing around them. But after 28 years I have learned to let their crap fall on deaf ears. We all should let others peoples hurricane's not get in the way of us enjoying our day. We should block out all stress and be thankful that we got another day. I can hear you say, "yeah, that's easier said than done".
Another day to make your friends laugh and to say Hi to a stranger. You just never know that stranger might be an angel.
Speaking of angels seems there was one in Uniontown just a couple weeks ago. Cindy seen her too. I'll tell you about her another day......

Hey you all....hope you had a great weekend. Mine was good. I did get to spend some time on my back porch. I didn't get to read a good book, but was able to review my paper work for the Red, White & Blue Festival. The festival begins on Wednesday evening with the Methodist hosting a dinner and the carnival holding bracelet night. The festival will keep me busy this week and keep my mind off of chemo.
Most folks say I'm crazy for directing the festival but I've been called worse. I enjoy it and the good out weights the bad. I'll keep you posted on the crazy people's request. They have already started!!
I've been getting phone calls from friends wishing me well. That means at lot to me, knowing that friends are keeping me in their thoughts.
I have a great-nephew that I think the world of. He's kinda like my own. As I was coming back from lunch today I hear someone holler at me....Hey Auntie......There is Aaron-- DRIVING...... I knew he was close to getting his license. I stood there and watched him drive....I must have had a grin a mile wide. So everyone watch out for Aaron....

Wasn't looking forward to getting my regular schedule hair cut last night. But I made it through. Tammy was running a bit behind which was perfect for me, I didn't mind at all. It gave me and Tammy time to be alone in the shop and talk about getting me a wig.
I've know Tammy (Hill) Lee for over 25 years. We worked side by side at  U.S. Shoe. I babysit for Brent and Erika many times. I use to tease Brent that I changed his diaper and that always made him blush. Tammy takes very good care of me and Thomas, she also cut the girls hair when then lived at home.
Tammy cried with me as I began to tell her that I needed to began treatments. Tammy lost her Daddy, Keith Hill just a few years ago so she knew how I was feeling. I told her no ball caps for me and she agreed...you are getting a wig and I will style it and no one will know the difference. Tammy is very special to me and we've had a lot of good talks over the years.
So enough about cancer....
I have Saturday off and I can't wait. I've got a few things that I need to do out in my flower beds and I will get a good book and set on the porch in the swing and enjoy the afternoon. Daddy calls my back porch just another room. I guess you could say that, it's awful comfortable. Everyone enjoy your weekend and be careful....xo

I just sat down for lunch and decided to blog a bit. I had a comment from Chelsea, who's Mother went through cancer and kept her hair in a zip lock bag. Wow!!--made me cry...but it doesn't take much any more for me to tear up. Thank you Chelsea, I'm glad your on my team for my journey. To Shelley who already sent in her RSVP for the big party--I love you girlfriend.
I"m just sad today. I need to call the Cancer Center and ask them some questions but I keep putting it off. I scheduled a hair cut about four weeks ago with Tammy.  Little did I know that besides getting a trim I would have to talk with her about helping me get a wig. I'm not wearing a baseball cap or one of those head scarves. Sorry folks...I'm not drawing attention to myself. I"ve seen so many bald headed women and it might be ok for them--but not me.
Cindy just text me and gave me info on a business in Madison who gives Cancer patients free wigs. Also, there is a place in Louisville. Don't be looking for me to go blonde--Shelley already offered hers!! I was born a red head and I will stay my same color. Lunch is over, back to designing flowers. Life does go on.....

my weekend

I kept my self busy this past weekend. There was plenty to do in my flower beds and I finished painting my screened porch. Keeping busy is good medicine.
Thomas and I kept the news to our self for over a day and then I started telling my loved ones. I told our girls, Sarah is my rock and Sandra is the emotional one. When hard times come it's Sarah that you need around. Then I headed to tell Daddy and then went inside to tell Mom. Later that evening I started telling my girlfriends, Cindy, Linda, Shelley, then Heather at Jubilee. I won't go into detail about everyone's reaction cause I don't want to cry.
Saturday Daddy came back and he helped me feed the chickens and he started to tear up and said he just couldn't come back to my house if I wasn't here. Then we both teared up. So we made a pack--that if he would live to be 90 that I would fight this cancer and I would help him celebrate with him and have a big party. So we shook on it and he said, "it's a deal. So we both will still be here in five years and you all are invited too the party.
I made a few other calls to folks, I wanted them to hear it from me and not the gossip line. Those who gossip never get anything correct.
I'm doing ok. As long as I don't ponder on it to long. But then you think of something and you cry. It's the unknown that you fear-- how will these treatments affect me--am I going to still be able to do all the things that I always do. I told the nurses at the Cancer Center that we could set me up a room and when Heather got backed up on orders they could send them to me and I would design while getting chemo. They laughed and said they would love that.
I get tied easy now and I'm not that hungry. I have been eating a lot of fruit the last few weeks and it always taste good.
Have a good evening and I will talk to you tomorrow!!

new blog

For many years I blogged on..."It's just part of your day." For some unknown reason and so were many others we got locked by spam. For months I tried everything that I knew of to try to unlock it. So I looked at the computer screen and said, "fine you win, I will start another one.
So here we go on my journey......
The title has so much meaning for me. I attended the funeral of a friend years ago and the pastor talked about our journey through life and when all is said and done your head stone list two dates-the day your were born and the day you died. The dash between the two represents your journey through life. So far my journey has been like a roller coaster. But it's been a good ride.
Wednesday my journey took a turn and then I came to a fork in the road. I stood there and thought...if I go left the road is full of pot holes, narrow roads on high cliffs with no guard rail and you walk it alone. If I choose to go right it has a few pot holes but the journey is filled with family and friends. Left cancer wins, right I win.
For the last 10 years I have been fighting cancer. It's been good so far and the test results have always been positive. The last 14 months the test have showed that the cancer increases with each test. The lymph nodes now grow at a faster pace as each day passes. Last September I had melanoma removed from my left thigh and it has snowballed ever since. I've know for a few weeks what the out come was but to hear the words...we need to start chemo.... your never prepared .
Cancer can really screw up the best made plans. I have no room on my agenda for this damn cancer. I'm stronger and more powerful and it just better get the hell out of my way.
Do I cry? Hell, yes I cry....alot. But I have an aswesome husband and two daughters and my circle of friends that support me. I will beat this damn cancer and I will laugh in it's face.
Stay tuned for the journey.................