Finally Friday.....

It's been a long week...... Sandra is feeling better and on the mend. Talked to her today and she was feeling lots better. I'm just tired. Wednesday wore me out. I called one of my many nurses today and talked to her about how bad Wednesday was and she's going to check with the doctor to see if or how we can change the next chemo treatment. I told her things had to change somehow. I ask a lot of questions...why was I given two Tylenol & why was I given Benadryl.  Lydia states,with the drug Rituxan there is a side effect of  your heart rate dropping or your blood pressure dropping to low and the Tylenol and Benadryl  somehow keep that from happening. Then I ask, do you know for sure that would happen to me-- maybe I'm different--maybe I'm not like everybody else. She just laughed and said well, maybe you are. I just know that I don't want to hallucinate and be a zombie for 12 hours the next treatment.
I'm not a pill taker. When I have a pain I don't take pills, never have. I just deal with it. I don't do well with Tylenol or Excedrin I always have a nervous reaction to them.
I"m in control here, not the cancer. I call the shots--not cancer. I refuse to let cancer ruin my summer. They all need to get together and figure this out. So, they have a till July 6 to get all their ducks in a row.
I"ve been discussing it with Sarah, she is my book of knowledge when it come to science and health. Who knew that her degree at Ball State would come in handy one day.
It's time to call it a day and set on the back porch with Thomas and forget about cancer for a while.....

Nothing but a blur....

   Yesterday was chemo day and I don't remember much. Thomas and I headed to Seymour about 8:30am.
I got settled in and my nurse Debbie came over and we chatted for a bit. She starts by giving me two Tylenol and then a dose of Benadryl through the vein. The Benadryl will make you sleepy and calm your nerves. Looking back last week I had a reaction to it, but I never gave it a second thought. I have restless leg syndrome. I sometimes have to soak in a hot tub to relax the nerves in my legs after being on them all day. It's just one more thing that you learn to live with. 
Debbie begin giving me the rest of the chemo drug, Rituxan. I began to relax from the Benadryl and then I just kinda went into a disco fever dance. I was a nervous twitch. My legs began to twitch, my arms were shaking and I felt like I didn't have any control over my limbs.
Thomas was trying to hold my hand and comfort me. He helped me stand up and the nurse came over concerned. I told her I can't take much more of this. She gave me a shot of something and it was suppose to void out the Benadryl. Still to no avail there I set shaking my arms, twitching my legs. Thomas at this point was becoming really concerned. Debbie came back over and I was in tears by now. I told her I can't do this. I"m having a nervous reaction to it and I don' want to feel like this. She gave me another does of what ever she gave me before and I began to feel calm. After that last dose I remember nothing. I don't remember the ride home, nor getting into bed. Thomas said Daddy talked to me and I answered his questions about my day but I don't remember even seeing my Daddy. I really don't remember nothing till about 3am this morning. I slept 12 hours and was out like a zombie.
I"m glad Sarah and Sandra were not with us. I wouldn't want them to see me like that.
As I set there twitching I tried my best not to cry. I tried to put my mind in another place, like walking on the beach last summer with Thomas. But I could not calm my self. It's an awful feeling not to have control over your body.
   Today I'm a little better. It was a rough start but I got it all pulled together and I came into work. I was glad that Heather and I  were busy and we almost ran out of flowers. Keeping your mind busy is a good thing. Talking to customers who have no ideal what your going through is a blessing. They talk to you like your normal. Most of the time they also have health problems. They say, "You're so lucky that your healthy"  I just smile......

Monday update....

   Just got Sandra home from hospital. She did great. Everything went as planned and now she can get back to playing volleyball on Wednesday nights.
   I"m glad I was feeling better today so that I could be with her. Saturday and Sunday were bad day's for me. I had zero energy. I felt like I had been hung on the clothes line and beaten with a broom.  I said my prayers this morning and told the Lord that I needed a ton of energy today for my little girl. Thanks for hearing my prayer, Lord!!
   I go back this Wednesday for the other half of my chemo from last week. They wanted me to ease into the stronger drug. I take two steroid pills each day  five days after each chemo so today is day five. Makes you wonder why they would give steroids to an already over weight woman who has cancer. It's just one more thing to worry about. But at least it's only five days. But they figure I need to keep my strength up. But I've lost nine pounds, so I can't complain. I also take a pill to ward off shingles and chicken pox. I never had chicken pox when I was a kid. Sarah and Sandra had them when they were little but I never caught them. Sure don't need them now.
   With my cancer my immune system is shot and I can pick up any kind of germ. I wash my hands all the time and when I have to shop I wash the cart down with those wipes. The chemo kills even my good cells that fight off germs so I can't win for losing. They tell me not to even shake hands with folks. But I'm a hugger so maybe I won't have to touch peoples hands. I would rather hug than shake hands--:)

Everyone have a good evening....I"ll be back in a few days!!

Supper with Linda...

   My bff Linda and I headed south last night for a girls night out. It was good to get out and escape from chemo. Linda needed an update and then we didn't talk about it for the rest of the night. We had a fun time. We ate dinner and took our time. We must have set there for two hours. The waitress must have come back seven or eight times to check on us. We always told her we were fine, but she did kept our drinks (water & tea)  filled. There was about a 45 minute wait for a table but we had to wait and we figured everyone else could wait too.
   We got caught up on our kids and life in general. Linda talked of her collage days and we had a big laugh. Sarah tells me of things she did when she was at Ball State and some of them I would rather not know. Funny how your kids tell you the things they did years afterwards. Guess they figure you can't punish them now. I just shake my head.....
   Not much on my agenda today with the rain. Daddy made me a new birdhouse so maybe the rain could hold off for abit while we mount it.
   Hope everyone enjoys their weekend and takes time to set, relax and laugh with your family.....

Was good to be back in the flower shop...

   It was exciting getting ready for work this morning. Things have been going good the last two days. I have just a few symptoms for now. I have a metal taste that comes and goes, I sometimes feel like a bobble head when I walk and I feel giddish at times. It's really scary to have all these powerful drugs in your body, when we've always been told to stay away from harmful drugs. But I guess harmful drugs are good for you when you need them. My appetite has changed and pizza just don't sound good. Been eating lots of fruits and green veggies. I have a list of things that I should and shouldn't eat.
   I try my best to stay positive and so far I haven't cried since Wednesday. I kinda lost it when I had to sign the papers to receive chemo. Thomas said he seen a tear fall from my cheek onto the floor. Sarah and Sandra was so strong for me they took hold of my hands while I broke down as I set in the chemo room and they both give me "the look" and told me to be strong and we will get through this. At that moment I felt like I was the child and they were the mother. Thomas also took my hand and held it while they prepared my arm.
   Mental attitude is everything. I could set around and say, "Oh poor me" but that's not me. I don't need people feeling sorry for me, I need happy thoughts sent my way. I will get through this journey and I will be stronger.
   I appreciate everyone who has sent me cards, text me and called me just to let me know they care. We've set all my cards on the dinning room table so that I can see them often. They make me smile...:)

  

Update on Mom...

Hey everyone, It's Sandra...

We all got to the Cancer Center and 8:30. It was a scary going in, but it was something that we all had to do. Sarah, Thomas, myself and mom, was taken into one of the rooms and they did a teaching class on what to expect during all the treatments. After that, we all headed to the treatment room. Mommy did real good until she set down in the chair, she cried a bit and Sarah and I told her it was going to be fine. Some of the nurses also told her everything would be fine. So she wiped her tear away and they preparred her arm and began her Chemo. She only took part of the Chemo today and will go back next Wednesday for the rest, due to the dose being so strong. She got home today around 1:30pm and Thomas helped her into bed for some rest. Keep thinking good thought of mom and I found out I have to get my gallbladder out Monday morning. When it rains it pours...
I will keep you posted until mom gets back

Sandra...

Getting back to normal.....

   It was a good Festival, it was humid but at least we didn't have any rain outs. It did rain Saturday about 2am. It rained so hard that the water ran off the school's roof and damaged two tents. The one lady said she just needed to go home. She was from Brown County and it just wasn't worth it to drive back and get her other tent. It was her first time at the Festival and she was surprised of how nice it was. She made me promise I would send her an application for 2012.
   Sunday I spent a couple hours packing everything back in totes for next year. I called Linda to make sure she had all the BBQ sauce washed off and she was packing things away too.
   Saturday evening I had quite a few folks stopping me and wishing me well. My cousin Steve and I had a good visit. He lost his Daddy (Dale) to cancer a few years ago. I love Steve, him and I are awful close. We talked for a while and I couldn't hold back my tears as we talked. My good friend Wanda came over and she wanted me to know that she was keeping me in her prayers. I do ok when folks talk to me but when it's someone that I feel close to I get emotional. Wanda just hugged me and cried with me. Some folks had been through the treatments and are in remission. They just wanted me to know that they made it and I will too.
   Wednesday will be here before I know it and I'm not ready. It's scares the hell out of me. I'm tearing up just writting this. I will have Thomas, Sarah and Sandra by my side but my heart aches for them having to set and watch. I had a friend tell me years ago it's not the cancer that kills you but the stuff they give you that kills you. But then on the other hand folks tell me that they have made improvement in the treatments and the side effects aren't as bad. But still it's powerful stuff to be putting into your body. It's the not knowing that scares you. How fast will by hair fall out, will I be sick all the time, will I be able to work in my flower beds and mow my grass. I just need to stay positive and fight like hell and hope that all these treatments go fast.