Nothing but a blur....

   Yesterday was chemo day and I don't remember much. Thomas and I headed to Seymour about 8:30am.
I got settled in and my nurse Debbie came over and we chatted for a bit. She starts by giving me two Tylenol and then a dose of Benadryl through the vein. The Benadryl will make you sleepy and calm your nerves. Looking back last week I had a reaction to it, but I never gave it a second thought. I have restless leg syndrome. I sometimes have to soak in a hot tub to relax the nerves in my legs after being on them all day. It's just one more thing that you learn to live with. 
Debbie begin giving me the rest of the chemo drug, Rituxan. I began to relax from the Benadryl and then I just kinda went into a disco fever dance. I was a nervous twitch. My legs began to twitch, my arms were shaking and I felt like I didn't have any control over my limbs.
Thomas was trying to hold my hand and comfort me. He helped me stand up and the nurse came over concerned. I told her I can't take much more of this. She gave me a shot of something and it was suppose to void out the Benadryl. Still to no avail there I set shaking my arms, twitching my legs. Thomas at this point was becoming really concerned. Debbie came back over and I was in tears by now. I told her I can't do this. I"m having a nervous reaction to it and I don' want to feel like this. She gave me another does of what ever she gave me before and I began to feel calm. After that last dose I remember nothing. I don't remember the ride home, nor getting into bed. Thomas said Daddy talked to me and I answered his questions about my day but I don't remember even seeing my Daddy. I really don't remember nothing till about 3am this morning. I slept 12 hours and was out like a zombie.
I"m glad Sarah and Sandra were not with us. I wouldn't want them to see me like that.
As I set there twitching I tried my best not to cry. I tried to put my mind in another place, like walking on the beach last summer with Thomas. But I could not calm my self. It's an awful feeling not to have control over your body.
   Today I'm a little better. It was a rough start but I got it all pulled together and I came into work. I was glad that Heather and I  were busy and we almost ran out of flowers. Keeping your mind busy is a good thing. Talking to customers who have no ideal what your going through is a blessing. They talk to you like your normal. Most of the time they also have health problems. They say, "You're so lucky that your healthy"  I just smile......